Instead of making resolutions i know i wont keep, i might as well be pathetic and childish, sit on my butt and wish for miracles to happen. Well Maybe your God is finally free to hear me, and even if he is not, who gives a fucking shit. I am used to it. I guess HE is busy enjoying someone else's agony and pain.
I have a place i can call home , a nice cozy place with vintage flower wallpapers , my bedroom painted in pink with an antique dressing table, a big closet to store my shoes and dresses. I can hang a sting of pretty photographs on the wall. A big comfy bed with a built in book shelf as frame, so i can reach my books when i laze around in bed.
I don't need luxurious apartments or big bungalow, i just need a place of my own. Just imagine growing up living under someone else's roof, constantly moving from one place to another makes me wants to forget everything about my childhood.
I have gone to college 4 years ago , so by now i can do something that i like ( obviously its arts , journalism or public relations ) I want to be a somebody when I turn 25, not a nobody with a crap job, working just for the sake of money .Dreams are not meant for middle class kids whom parents think that its good enough to support you till high school . Parents who don't gives a shit about what you want, parents who don't encourage you to do something which you like. Parents who expect you to work with an excuse that if you work harder, you'll get somewhere with your stupid high school certificate. Dreams? its long buried with my hopes
I've been working part time jobs since i am 16 WHY? I've learned by that age that nothing comes for free, to get what i want , what a teenager wants back then, i gotta earn my own money. After graduation , all my friends went to college , and i am working still . I hate it most when i bumps into someone and they will be asking me ' What are you doing right now? ' Not forgetting all those relatives and aunts who keeps pressuring me ' Why are you not in college?' Can i fucking answer Its because i cant fucking afford college.And if my family don't gives a shit why should you ?
All the adults in the world just don't get married and have children in the name of Love, Screw Love , Love wont pay your kid's college fees , Love wont secure you with a home, Love doesn't last .You should not have children if you are not making enough money to give them a good life. I don't wish to be brought to this world , and i swear to die a spinster then to get married and have children if i cant give them a life that i wish i had. I don't want my children to grow up to be an angry adult like me
I wish i die young , i had enough of life, I had no choice . I don't wish to live
Now don't start preach fucked up life philosophies to me.
I know there's more misfortunate people out there and compare to my pain , mine is nothing.Seriously its not my fucking problem , that's your God's problem . Ask him to fix it.
Its so easy for everyone to say that everything is alright, you've never even been in my shoes.
I could just die in my sleep. Its so tiring to live with so much anger , regrets and pain
♫ of the moment: Mouthful of Diamonds : Phantogram
Read about The Sigit in a music magazine, checked them out and this song Hit me right away and i'm hooked..This is really good. In fact its so good i think i'll go crazy and play it on repeat .SCREAM ! Ignore my insanity and enjoy the video .
They don’t give you a right They just giving you a fight As you hold on to the bright light Shall He send you the might to night
You’ve been shouting for your right You are losing all your sight Hold on to the bright light His might tonight
Don’t wanna sleep too tight Don’t wanna give up all my fight Hold on to the bright light His might tonight
I WILL BE BACK , i will start to write again when i put back all my pieces together. Trust me when i say i am not screaming for attention. Plus its sickening to read pathetic endless emo stuff. New year's resolutions coming SOON, once i figure out what i really want.
11.06pm- I am still in the office, been working like a robot this whole week, but its alright, i felt superb when i completed my tasks ! Hope to have a great weekend ahead..
The best thing that happen today is i finally talk to my Mary again. I've been a real fucked up friend . Mary if you are reading this, I love you :)♥
♫ of the moment:Stars Ageless Beauty (Most Serene Republic_Mix)