Monday, 25 January 2010

Lets buy a shovel and bury our dreams

Instead of making resolutions i know i wont keep, i might as well be pathetic and childish, sit on my butt and wish for miracles to happen. Well Maybe your God is finally free to hear me, and even if he is not, who gives a fucking shit. I am used to it. I guess HE is busy enjoying someone else's agony and pain.


I have a place i can call home , a nice cozy place with vintage flower wallpapers , my bedroom painted in pink with an antique dressing table, a big closet to store my shoes and dresses. I can hang a sting of pretty photographs on the wall. A big comfy bed with a built in book shelf as frame, so i can reach my books when i laze around in bed.

I don't need luxurious apartments or big bungalow, i just need a place of my own. Just imagine growing up living under someone else's roof, constantly moving from one place to another makes me wants to forget everything about my childhood.


I have gone to college 4 years ago , so by now i can do something that i like ( obviously its arts , journalism or public relations ) I want to be a somebody when I turn 25, not a nobody with a crap job, working just for the sake of money .Dreams are not meant for middle class kids whom parents think that its good enough to support you till high school . Parents who don't gives a shit about what you want, parents who don't encourage you to do something which you like. Parents who expect you to work with an excuse that if you work harder, you'll get somewhere with your stupid high school certificate. Dreams? its long buried with my hopes

I've been working part time jobs since i am 16 WHY? I've learned by that age that nothing comes for free, to get what i want , what a teenager wants back then, i gotta earn my own money. After graduation , all my friends went to college , and i am working still . I hate it most when i bumps into someone and they will be asking me ' What are you doing right now? ' Not forgetting all those relatives and aunts who keeps pressuring me ' Why are you not in college?' Can i fucking answer Its because i cant fucking afford college.And if my family don't gives a shit why should you ?


All the adults in the world just don't get married and have children in the name of Love, Screw Love , Love wont pay your kid's college fees , Love wont secure you with a home, Love doesn't last .You should not have children if you are not making enough money to give them a good life. I don't wish to be brought to this world , and i swear to die a spinster then to get married and have children if i cant give them a life that i wish i had. I don't want my children to grow up to be an angry adult like me

I wish i die young , i had enough of life, I had no choice . I don't wish to live
Now don't start preach fucked up life philosophies to me.

I know there's more misfortunate people out there and compare to my pain , mine is nothing.Seriously its not my fucking problem , that's your God's problem . Ask him to fix it

Its so easy for everyone to say that everything is alright, you've never even been in my shoes.


I could just die in my sleep. Its so tiring to live with so much anger , regrets and pain

of the moment: Mouthful of Diamonds : Phantogram


Anonymous said...

you need help

Anonymous said...

i know how u feel...i feel like that most of the time. in fact, my every time birthday wish since i was 15 is i wish to just fade away into thin air. with no body to bury and no funeral for anyone to attend. i'll just be loooong gone. i had this kind of feeling because sometimes i was just so damn tired of life. but then, sometimes, when you look up at the sky and look how beautiful they are, it made my life worth while even if im alone and against the world. i hope u can find something that makes ur life worth while too! :)