I'm so scared, i felt so disturbed lately.

I just hate my life..

I hate waking up in the morning..

I hate to work..

I hate to talk to people..

I hate it even more when nobody understand..

I hate to go home..

I hate myself..

I hate it that im not getting what i want..

I hate my dad..I hate him more when i think about him..

I hate that i am the way i am..

I hate every single fucking thing..

I hate it that i felt so empty..

I hate to have all this thoughts..

I hate it that im not Happy..

I hate that i'm full of HATRED

SO

what can u do?

NOTHING...

If I Fell ♥

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.

Old Fart Day

2 weeks and 3 days to my stupid birthday...Tick tock tick tock..GOD ! Please please please Stop the time..I don't want to turn 23 ! I don't want to be OLD....I don't think there will be any massive celebration this year..I can't find a TOAD to kiss..and all my pill popping buddies are back in Penang..SO i guess there wont be any crazy drunkfuck parties ...I'm going for yet another Photo shoot session on the 1st of July and my Old Fart Day, July 2nd falls on a Thursday which means i gotta work..Sigh...

I guess the happiest Birthday i've ever celebrated was my 21st back in Penang..When Grandma and Grandpa are still around..Friends and Family came and enjoyed a good dinner prepared by my Grandma..Then hit B.E.D with my friends for a round of drink..I used to love Birthdays alot when i were little...The presents, the cake , the celebration....There's a year when Grandma made me a chocolate cake with loads of icing..( I missed her) Now as my 'numbers' are adding up each year. I wish that Particular date can just bloody disappear from the Calendar..

And not forgetting Ghab got me a miniature DKNY- Be Delicious with a note saying that he actually remember every single thing i've said..That was very very nice of him..Cause i did mention that i like that scent..I still have that bottle with me..Its so cute lol

I wonder what Mum is gona get me this year..She said she's gona get me a Mp3 Player but i ady bought it myself..I know what i want for my Birthday ! My wish list is COMING SOON!...

Run Pussy RUN

Went for Paintball with the guys yesterday, Somewhere in Gombak...haha i dont even bother to know whats the name of the place..Cause i'm so freaking sleepy..and Through out the whole way there..i keep on complaining to Weng Yew that i wana Gooooo Homeeeeeeee.....

Then stupid Yao Yang is like telling me scary shit like, if someone shot me from a close distance..the bullet will tear my skin and he keep mentioning the PAIN...How bad its gona hurt if i got shot and how the wound is gona burn when i shower...GULP...

It really scares me ...This is my first time man, i dont wana walk out and have everyone's GUNS pointing at me...


So during the first 2 round i really chicken out..I hide and watched them rush out the battlefield haha..It was so funny when all of my teammates got shot..and me still hiding pretending that i'm gona back them up..


During The second round..im totally exhausted, my knees are actually shaking ..My face mask got so blurred out that i can hardly see anything which is right ahead of me..and the jacket is suffocating..Its so hot...and i'm so blurred..So i went hiding again lol...I can hardly feel the thrill until the third round when i finally stop being such a chicken..IT really felt so goood to actually rush ahead and keep on firing on the opposite team..It feels even better when i actually shot someone ..But too bad i ran out of bullets ...So back to hiding again and while waiting for them to finish i did this.....
Beside cam whoring what else can i do? come on....I'm totally backing my team up ok ! haha
Ken is beside me shooting ants...He's really really exhausted for he really did attack like a maniac during the first two rounds..


In the end i went home clean without getting shot not even once ! MISSION ACCOMPLISH

Overall this was an awesome experience..If i had the chance im gona do it again and this time I wont freak out..Im gona go and get EM ! Thanks Veronica for dragging me into this haha

And before i forgets, I'm helping Ken to promote our very own GAY MOBILE..May the G Virus be spread no matter where it goes !

Shopaholic? Maybe YES Maybe NO

Guess what i did to my last rm 300 that was suppose to last me till this end of the Month..

I'm so freaking broke...I've spend Rm 1.1 K in 10 days ! I'm not showing off..I'm just grinning my teeth that I'm actually gettin out of control when it comes to spending...Today is like 11th of June and fuck me , i only have rm 500 left...Which means NO MORE unnecessary spending.. What did i bought ? I cant even bloody remember..Let me see...Well, i Spend some on liquor, Clothes...more clothes i guess..What Else? ...During the first week of the month me and Yvonne drove all the way to Mines Shopping Center to get my very first Crocs - Mary Jane pumps ( Alice , Grape )
Mum was like nagging non stop....' Please look at all your clothes...u keep on buying but never get rid off any of the old ones...There's no more place to keep all of ur junk..and Stop buying so much pair of shoes..you only have 2 feet...'
Too bad mum hahaha i wish i could take your advise seriously..The other day i bought this Glittering Pumps from NOSE and i fucking love it ! I wore it yesterday and i cant stop admiring it..Shimmer Shimmer SHINE :)

Honestly i'm a Scrooge..i don't like buying expensive stuff..Cause to me labels doesnt matter..The Price is not the matter..As long as i look good in it..But at times..i might invest some of my well kept Money on something really really expensive that i really really Like...But as usual i will regret it and start sulking...

The best thing that i bought this month was my SONY NWZ-E436F walkman ..and for only RM 299 ! What a catch..If i had extra cash i would definetely go for the 8 gb model...but too bad it doesnt come in Pink..So i got the 4gb instead..and hell yeah its PINK BABY !...

The next thing on my TO DO LIST is rob a bank..Then i shall continue my shopping spreee...Weee ♥

MGMT-Time to Pretend

I'm Feelin rough I'm Feelin raw I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music make some money find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

This is our decision to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

Forget about our mothers and our friends.
We were fated to pretend.

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms.
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world.
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home.
Yeah I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

But there is really nothing, nothing we can do.
Love must be forgotten. Life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce,
we'll find some more models, Everything must run its course.

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end.
We were fated to pretend.