Monday, 26 April 2010
Kinda says it all huh , I like how certain songs sings out the unsaid words that i kept inside.Which is why im always posting up songs that makes me think of him in pubic space. Obviously .Indirectly im trying to say out loud , Hey fucker NOTICE ME , can u please just fucking pay attention for once..But it’s kinda ironic that people who cares are those who don’t matter, and he who matters never really care. That really upsets me, but well, me cant blame others for my own foolishness.
Like last Saturday ,i spent my afternoon for Gino’s photo shoot and when I got home , im so freaking tired I nearly doze off in the evening, but I stay awake just in case he call , but of course it did not happen . That is totally stupid I know.
Its easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart via I wrote this for you.
Perhaps its just an obsession , perhaps he’s just in my long long list of Things I want that I cant get . Deal with it and move on already bitch .
A good friend said
‘’ You don’t need a person who is never here for you when you’re down , when you had a rough day at work , when u need someone to talk to . You don’t need a person who never cares about you , your new job, your insecurities , your worries , he don’t care about anything. You’re just a nobody . ‘’
So whats the point of worrying if Im never good enough or how to change myself for him to like me or what can I do to make him notice me , or worse to worry if he already liked someone else.
Ignorance is Bliss
♫ of the moment: Sitting , Waiting , Wishing -Jack Johnson
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realise that it was you who held me under
And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world
Snow White's stitching up the circuitboards
Someone's slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's stitching up the circuitboard
Going home after work makes me wants to hang myself. I think I really need my own space, I need to breathe, i'm suffocating , I don’t want to go home , I don’t have a home.People will never get it , they think im over reacting , self loathe and pathetic.
How can life be so fucked up , I can never be content , I never like what I do , I hate to work , i really really want to go get away from this shit hole. I wish I had my pair of wings now. One day I’ll just pack my bags and leave, I m just so tired of living in lies.People say why don’t you just go to college, I wish I could, why don’t you tell that to my family who never really gives a shit. Everyone think its so easy, everyone talks about money, no one talks about what I want.
Get a loan? Saying really is so easy huh, since 16, I knew that the only way to get things that I want is to earn my own money, I work part time everyday after school so I can buy clothes that I want .I can never rely on anyone. And which leads to my addictive bad habit is which to steal stuff that I can't afford. Im lucky enough to get rid of that.I am lucky enough to turn out alright.
And to make it on my own and pay for my college fees is pretty impossible, how to fork out 40k for it? Where the fuck can i get all that money?
Can I just call my useless dad and demand him to pay back the life he owes me?
OR Maybe I should not dream high , I should just continue working a job I never liketo get money to live my pathetic life , pretend to be happy so people wont label me as ungrateful then get marry and die boring and full of regrets. And should I thank your God for his blessing for my ‘wonderful life’? Yea maybe I should pretend to so I won’t be damned in hell when I die.
I swear I’ll be with anyone who can buy me a new life and get me out of here . Anyone who can buy me a life I never had during my childhood. I don’t fucking care about love I want money !
Money is everything yes it is, screw love, screw family ties , screw everything Screw your God.
Im not writing this because im angry, I don’t pity myself . Its not my problem I am this way .
♫ of the moment: Florence and the Machine- Blinding
Sunday, 11 April 2010
: ) = Im lying
:) = in fact its a silent scream
: ) = I am laughing at my own stupidity
: ) = I wants to cry .......what the fuck is wrong with me...
Like a raindrop hitting the ground. It smashes into a million tiny pieces :)
♫ of the moment: Mad World - Gary Jules
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Courtney Brims is a self-taught artist based in Brisbane, Australia. She loves all things unusual and is inspired by fairytales, Victorian illustration, memories and dreams.
Check her work out , you'd be amazed too
"I see my pictures as bittersweet, delicate and detailed. They are dreamy and a little dark at times. I like to hope that they fill people with a sense of curiosity and nostalgia." - Courtney Brims
♫ of the moment: Wasted- Angus and Julia Stone
Friday, 2 April 2010
Its a wonderful feeling to know that there is someone out there who reads the stuff that i wrote and i appreciates it .
Can't wait to get off work , I'm heading home tonight , superb excited to see my sisters and my little monster and also my friends . It's gonna be another hectic weekend , hope i am not worn out for my coming photo shoot this 6th April .
Gonna load up my player with the new songs that i've just downloaded to save me from boredom in the 4 hours ride later .
Lastly i really like this ,
'And you asked why people always expected you to smile in photographs. And I told you it was because they hoped that in the future, there would be something to smile about. '
read more in I Wrote this for You
♫ of the moment: Such Great heights - Postal Service
Thursday, 1 April 2010
Well , since this is my first post for the brand new month and my great love for music , I'm gonna write down the list of songs that i really really like at the moment. ♪♫
Dead Man's Bones - Pa Pa Power
Noisettes -Never Forget You