Hello my old friend..
A year is a very long time to mourn, feels like forever for the person who is in grief. A laughing stock to the world who doesn't understand a single thing. All these sad songs, sometimes I wonder if one must have been so badly broken hearted to be able to write such songs. I save myself from drowning by emerging into work, I keep myself busy and by the time I got home, I was mentally exhausted and by living that way, it makes it so much easier for me to sleep. And boy, it feels good to be able to sleep. I had the worst Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year in 2012, Valentine's day this year was way out of the picture and I didn't even want to remember my birthday. I have vowed to not celebrate my stupid birthday anymore. I grab every single chance to go out with my friends, I drank almost every weekend in the past 2 months, I have successfully cheated my mind and distracted my heart. Not for long, but a temporarily relief is better than nothing. I've even managed to fool the world.
Forgetting is hard, so I've chosen to not think of things which are too painful to remember. But it hits like a boomerang at times, the more you avoids it, the harder it hits you back. That happened so often recently, memories came tapping on my shoulder, begging me to remember. All the emotions I have tried so hard erupted and there's nothing else I could do but to break down crying. It wasn't pleasant and it was probably the worst feeling one human could ever feel. My best friend Jon always say "we are the victims of unrequited love".
We forgive as we love, but...can a person honestly love such a dishonest thing..I've realized that some people will never change, nor honor their words. And this time around, it has finally taken the last stroll on me. I have nothing left for this person to crush nor destroy...I gave up. I died too many times, each death is equally painful. And he doesn't even know, and even if he knew, not a single fuck was given. That's just the way it is.