Thursday, 30 June 2011

Can money pay for all the days I lived awake



 I remember when I was a kid , Birthday used to be so much fun , although I don't grow up like those rich kids you watched on MTV Sweet Sixteen with major bash , fancy car at present , and the whole school attends the biggest party in town.

As I grow up , birthday is just another day. It does not thrill me much anymore. Past years I would be more than happy if its just dinner or a day out with family and friends. But somehow this year , I thought of spending it with my close ones. I have been feeling empty lately and I find life so tiring. You wake up and its like a routine life. Friends are living in different cities. I hate the feeling of being alone.. I just need companionship , because it's so tough for me that he is so far , so the only people I could think of to spend my day with are my best friends.

2 weeks
 ago, excitingly I started planning a party for myself, searching for a nice place to hang out, and I thought of inviting a few of the closest friends to go out at night, grab a few drinks and have fun instead of being miserable. My sisters could not be here because they have college. It's like 1 more day to my Birthday, and most of my friends could not make it either. I even bought three dresses that thought I would wear this year. Maybe it's not such a big deal or I am being way too emotional, but somehow it's pretty disappointing, I did not want to lie, I cried last night because I felt like there is no one I could rely on. How pathetic it is to have to plan your own party with a list of invited ' close friends' who doesn't care much

People who are not close to me thinks that my birthday this year is going to be the 'It' event. Everyone is asking how am I going to celebrate my birthday this year, I am so ashamed to tell them that I am not going to do anything this year. With social network like Facebook, everyone will just bloody wish you by writing on your wall. I got so pissed I locked my Facebook wall today because I know by tomorrow the Birthday reminder will be on. And, those pretentious people will just write something stupid which they don't mean it.

If someone would ask me what I want this year, I would simply answer All I want is to feel happy again.

Ps - Sorry love, my comeback post is supposed to be something more interesting and not my melancholy whining..


Of the Moment : Primitives Radio God - Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with money in my hand.


28 comments:

TheMadTwins said...

Heeeeeeey sweety!
First of all I wanted to thank you for your sweet comments!

And it so sad to read this! I dare say I sometime feel the same like you do, but having a twin sister is like having someone who's always there.
I wish you had one too!

It's so bad that your closest friends aren't even comming to your party! What friend are they!
I wish I could be with you now!

We would get up early, go to the city, buy what you like. Go eating nicely and go out, or go home and do girls stuff, painting nails, watching movies, playing dress up... Something you like :)

A birthday ought to be amazing! And to here this makes me soo sad!

I want to hug you, it's proven hugs make you feel better!

Darling, if there is something you want to talk about, you can always tell me! I'll try to be there for you!!!

xxxxxxx... thousand sweet kisses

ps; for those 100 wishes! I hope for you they come true!

Miss Independent said...

sweetie! i sincerely wish that u'll have an amazing birthday this year!

to tell u the truth, i never really celebrate my birthday, i think my last birthday celebration was during pre-school, i'm not so sure y sometimes...

Laura said...

It made me so sad to read this and =( I wish I was there to give you a hug! But I want you to have a Happy Birthday!!!! So treat yourself to something lovely and awesome =) Love you girl =)

Wynne Prasetyo said...

awww, this post just broke my heart :( i'm sorry you've come to the point where birthdays are no longer exciting. i think i know the feeling, but i do hope you'll get to see the bright side on this and feel better about it very soon. for what its worth, as unexciting a birthday can be, it's something you've got to be thankful for :)

Amber Blue Bird said...

oh gosh this was a hard post to read. I am sorry that you feel like your friends are fakes. Thats a terrible feeling. I hope your friends see what they are missing out on. Happy birthday from a blogger friend who would be totally down to hang at your b-day party if you didnt live a zillion miles away

Daniela Salsa said...

Hello my sweet friend :) I decided to stop writing on 1st Days of Spring because I had this new blog for so long and I was forgetting him because I was just posting on 1st Days of Spring and the truth is that I'm known for this old blog. But you can translate it and it's almost the same thing. I just didnt had time to post on both blogs and this old blog is part of my identity :D

fashioneggpplant said...

aww, happy birthday dear, hope you feel better soon :)

Sukhwa Yoceline said...

omg so sad :( hope you're feeling better. But sometimes i feel the same way, my school friends are ignoring me lots of times. They chat with another friend and i'm left out.

Sometimes i wanna mad at them but i want they themselves realise their mistakes. I know the feeling of being alone. And a lot of fake friends just come to me when they need something, not when they're happy.

You just have to choose your real friend eventhough when you're little kid and your mom said that 'you must be friend with everybody, not to choose one', but i think life's hard. And you must choose the right one to be with you whenever you are sad or happy.

*hugs*

http://sukycelinee.blogspot.com

hafidz said...

selamat hari lahir dan semoga hari-hari seterusnya akan bertambah baik ya! =)

SandraC said...

hey i felt like shit on my birthday too!! but as the days passed it felt better. probably growing up IS painful.
dont be sad that not many could come to ur party, many ppl wished u on fb..they mean well =)
ur alive, healthy n blogging this. that is the greatest birthday gift God has given u =) ur writing is inspiring to others u know!! u are a blessing itself!!
cheer up darls!

Ruta, Look Ugly in a Photograph said...

HAppy birthday and you look lovely and I hope you feel happy again soon!

Jo said...

I love the cute bow necklace! <3

x
Lost in the Haze

Bad Taste Toast said...

Oh dear I'm so sorry to hear this! I can totally relate to this birthday issue! It's the same with me, well almost. I turned around from hating to liking my birthday some years ago but everytime I plan a party and invite friends one after the other refuses the invitation for some stupid reason. I know exactly how disappointing this is! And they are not even honest! They say "I'm sorry I can't come, my pet is sick!" but actually they are too lazy to drive because I live so far away from them. That sucks! And this mere laziness is also the reason why everyone only writes on Facebook.

It's so sad that you've been already feeling down before and that your friends don't even try to cheer you up on your birthday. Shame on them! That proves once again that you can only rely on what you do yourself :-/

In spite of everything I wish you a happy belated birthday! I'm sending you some hugs from Germany!

amy said...

I agree with you. Birthdays evolve as we grow. It becomes hard when we forget this. I've spent many years imagining the celebration, and the fun of my youth. Now, birthdays are just markings. A new year with wiser eyes. The minute we can start appreciating the truths behind our birthdays, is the minute we can fully enjoy them.

Your blog is stunning. Your hair, Your style. I'm following x

sweetness xx
hope to hear from you*!
amyflyingakite.com

Emily, Ruby Slipper Journeys said...

Aw, sorry that you feel this way. I have 100% had those birthdays, where you try to get people together and they flake/are late/only come because they feel obligated. I've started taking it as a sign that I need new friends when that happens, but it is hurtful. xxx

Luci said...

You have so wonderful hair,and I love your style :)
Reading you :*
http://lucyles.blogspot.com/

Pramudita Puspita said...

I am sorry for your birthday,I hope you'll happy again as soon as possible. however your blog is awesome and I love it! I've put your link on my side bar, i hope you do the same:) let's be friend and follow each other!
i'll follow you back then :)

Jessica said...

This is a bit belated but, I hope you had a wonderful birthday.

Reading this post has made me so sad. You seem to be such a sweet person and I hope one day you will be able to find birthdays exciting again. BIG HUG!

Sydney said...

you know, the bigger the city, the more fake the people are.... you'll not know who are sincere to you or just want to use you...

i dont understand how people always say "thank you so much for the birthday wishes" on fb. bloody hell. dont they get it they get wishes because of the reminder and no one actually really remembers their birthday? facebook is just a plain stupid social network where you can find a lot of hypocrites... im so pissed at fb.

when you feel alone, listen to some music, not sad music of course!
anyway i hope you feel better soon. xx


sydsense.blogspot.com

Marianna said...

Cute photos!!!



http://clothes-and-fairytales.blogspot.com/

Rabbit K. said...

Hi! You can follow my blog? I follow her a few months.
I love your post, your photos. All so cute here.
To follow my blog you have to come on this link and hit "join this site/participar deste site". This link:
http://hikikah.blogspot.com/2011/07/gadgets-seguidores.html

dunia kecil indi said...

happy birthday gorgeous, of course i know you gonna live happy forever. wish all the best for u *hugs*

Dizzy said...

Aww Honey. All that’s happened to you and so close to your birthday I understand the loneliness you feel. I so proud of you, for trying to make an effort, and plan a party for yourself, but those close friends who don’t even care much, I say screw ‘em! Go out by yourself and rock this world we call life, try your hardest to find good in things, and I know it is hard to right know, but try. Your love and happiness will be so contagious, people will flock to you. You don’t need anybody in this world to make you happy, you can make you happy!

goingkookies said...

Hey girl..

It's sad to read your post.. chin up when u re ready k.

I think many of us feels the same as u. We 'have' friends but when it matters, when we need them, they're not there.

And at times, they'll come back to u and say 'why didn't u tell me?' or 'why didn't u look for me?' I am here etc..

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And just pamper yourself.. what makes you happy? pedi? mani? watching movies? shopping? Go and do that and friends be damned!

We don't need friends to be happy.. and things we see in FB about other people's happening birthdays and what not, we don't see the other side to it.

Who knows? You might wake up tomorrow feeling happier.. whatever it is, here is wishing you a blessed birthday.

You may not feel a super awesome or mind blasting day but it is YOUR day... have fun k!

goingkookies said...

Hey girl..

It's sad to read your post.. chin up when u re ready k.

I think many of us feels the same as u. We 'have' friends but when it matters, when we need them, they're not there.

And at times, they'll come back to u and say 'why didn't u tell me?' or 'why didn't u look for me?' I am here etc..

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And just pamper yourself.. what makes you happy? pedi? mani? watching movies? shopping? Go and do that and friends be damned!

We don't need friends to be happy.. and things we see in FB about other people's happening birthdays and what not, we don't see the other side to it.

Who knows? You might wake up tomorrow feeling happier.. whatever it is, here is wishing you a blessed birthday.

You may not feel a super awesome or mind blasting day but it is YOUR day... have fun k!

Krystal said...

i don't like to hear that you are unhappy at all! seriously! I'm sorry :(

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VENUS AT HER MIRROR
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