Monday, 26 April 2010

This post contains Negativity

Going home after work makes me wants to hang myself. I think I really need my own space, I need to breathe, i'm suffocating , I don’t want to go home , I don’t have a home.People will never get it , they think im over reacting , self loathe and pathetic.

How can life be so fucked up , I can never be content , I never like what I do , I hate to work , i really really want to go get away from this shit hole. I wish I had my pair of wings now. One day I’ll just pack my bags and leave, I m just so tired of living in lies.People say why don’t you just go to college, I wish I could, why don’t you tell that to my family who never really gives a shit. Everyone think its so easy, everyone talks about money, no one talks about what I want.

Get a loan? Saying really is so easy huh, since 16, I knew that the only way to get things that I want is to earn my own money, I work part time everyday after school so I can buy clothes that I want .I can never rely on anyone. And which leads to my addictive bad habit is which to steal stuff that I can't afford. Im lucky enough to get rid of that.I am lucky enough to turn out alright.

And to make it on my own and pay for my college fees is pretty impossible, how to fork out 40k for it? Where the fuck can i get all that money?

Can I just call my useless dad and demand him to pay back the life he owes me?

OR Maybe I should not dream high , I should just continue working a job I never liketo get money to live my pathetic life , pretend to be happy so people wont label me as ungrateful then get marry and die boring and full of regrets. And should I thank your God for his blessing for my ‘wonderful life’? Yea maybe I should pretend to so I won’t be damned in hell when I die.

I swear I’ll be with anyone who can buy me a new life and get me out of here . Anyone who can buy me a life I never had during my childhood. I don’t fucking care about love I want money !

Money is everything yes it is, screw love, screw family ties , screw everything Screw your God.

Im not writing this because im angry, I don’t pity myself . Its not my problem I am this way .

of the moment: Florence and the Machine- Blinding

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